Ok, I'll just keep this going I guess.
Last night I was able to remove both valve covers before it got too dark. They were both visibly warped- either from being torqued too much or just from being on there for 29 years and getting hot and cooling down thousands of times.
Even though I had to unbolt my brake booster/master cylinder, the driver's side was still easier than the passenger side- there are so many wires and vacuum hoses routed right over it, and there are P-clamps spot welded to it that hold everything in.
Now for the next issue- luckily I'm at work today so I can machine something if I have to- to make this thing fit into that thing...
So I can fit it into this thing...