[712edf]

Prayers. We are here for ya. I too have gotten familiar with dealing with loved one's health issues in the past few years. It's not fun & you just want things to go back to the "normal" you once enjoyed.
It does tend to cause one to evaluate their life's priorities.

Bucky

 

[712edf]

Yes every uptick will bring you excitement!

Bucky

 

[712edf]

She can hear you & understand you. Work with that. Hold her hand, stroke her hair & such. Can she nod, blink or respond? If so yes or no type questions are good way to communicate. When my mom was on a ventilator back in October I was able to ask her questions & have her squeeze my hand to answer.

My dad had a trach (even had his mouth sewn shut for 4 weeks) & yes it was obstacle but manageable.

Is the being bedridden caused from lack of consciousness, injury or just overall weakness?

I hate that this is happening for yall.

Bucky

 

[712edf]

Best of luck. Praying. Keep doing what you can with her. Never quit hoping. Find someone to talk to. And hug. And like BG said above Don't drive yourself into the ground.

Bucky

 

[712edf]

Could they cut back on the feeding tube intake & do the main nutrients needed via IV?

I have gastro troubles too, but never caused any aspiration issues.

Bucky

 

[712edf]

Not that I am an expert on visiting folks in the hospital but one thing I have considered with patients who can't speak is their inability to ask for a sip of water or at least having their lips/mouth moistened with one of those sponge stick things. You see patients, particularly elderly in hospitals & nursing homes, laying there with their mouths WIDE open, lips cracked & everything. Probably can't breathe throw their nose either.

I would hate to be laying their thirsty & helpless to do anything about it.

Next visit ask her, yes or no, is her mouth dry, if you haven't already been doing so.

Bucky

 

[712edf]

I can't say because I'm not in either of your shoes nor have I ever been, but maybe it'd be best to not give her medical reports other than saying things that give her hope & something to look forward to. Maybe just live in the moment & spent time with HER. Again, I'm not in a place to say.

You mention pets. Once she gets to her next destination would it be possible to bring them to visit her? I think it's be good therapy.

Bucky

 

[712edf]

You didn't F-up today, you're human & under a ton of pressure.

The scope of her world has changed. Possibly permanently but definitely in the here & now. The things that the general population is concentrated upon (economy, our shitty government, covid, Russia/Ukraine & the 19 other things Lester Holt will mention every newscast to ruin your day) probably aren't on her mind now. She just wants to not hurt, to get better, to see you/family, the kittens, simple things like that that we all take for granted until the screws are pinned against us.

Keep doing what you can but know that you can't do it all. That's God's job. And while I often question if or how it's getting done, I can't do much about it.

I spent most of 2020 helping my dad fight cancer. It was a bitch but gave me greater appreciation for him, for the life & opportunities he gave me & for the normal boring life I had before the battle began. Next Thursday marks 1 year since he passed. I miss him but I'm not worried about him any longer.

Prayers brother!

Bucky

 

[712edf]

It takes a special person to work in a nursing home & "care" about people. I mean, it must be heart wrenching to bond with people when a good majority of them are near the ends of their lives. So you get the Yolandas. Plus its a shitty job & they are now more short staffed than ever thanks to our world "situation".

Pete is right. In fact I would almost suck up to Yolanda. If she likes you she might take better care of Suzy. Same for all the staff. You don't want enemies there or with the people who prepare your food at restaurants.

Bucky

 

[712edf]

That's known as breathing over the machine. And its usually a good thing.

18 breathes per minute is 28% more than 14 breathes per minute.

Bucky

 

[712edf]

It is my experience, or my wife's, that you have to stay on top of every damned little detail in life, especially in regards to the care someone receives in a nursing home.

They just want to keep someone alive enough to keep capacity within a certain range & the money rolling in. They are first & foremost, a business. Yes there are employees there who do care, but the facility itself is no different than a restaurant franchise or convenience store. Its there to make somebody money.

Bucky

 

[712edf]

Getting my mom washed/shampooed was a battle the brief time she was in a nursing home for rehab. I would ask her if they bathed her. Nope, she would reply, just maybe a sponge bath here & there. But one day I was quizzing Mom when an aide walked by, overheard us. She came in & said basically she give Mom a sponge bath every time it was her shift because Mom had always refused to get in the shower. Mom ducked down in shame, always did have her own reality.

Some places don't even keep up with dirty diapers & soiled beds. If she gets a proper bath or shampoo once a week I was be totally amazed.

Bucky

 

[712edf]

UTI, Pneumonia, UTI, Pneumonia, UTI, Pneumonia, COVID, Pneumonia, UTI, etc. This is pretty much how my MIL was the last year of her life. She would improve in the hospital, then go downhill in the NH.

Best of luck to yall.

Bucky

 

[712edf]

I lost both my parents within exactly a 1 year period. They might have made it longer had I lived closer, had their house been cleaner & more handicapped accessible & had they received DAILY care. You will have a battle on your hands, but sounds like she will work with you & not against you. That's the biggest plus. Once they stop trying, stop properly taking their meds, stop making appointments, bathing, eating/drinking, talking on phone or doing things they once enjoyed then you can't "will" them to live.

Bucky

 

[712edf]

Yes, in fact some days you should visit about 30 minutes after your first visit. Many folks start screwing off the minute the boss drives away, figuring that's the time he/she is least likely to return.

Bucky

 

[712edf]

Medical care, beyond having a private caretaker, is a damned joke. I went through similar shit with my mom. Only instead of a feeding tube it was pills. They just could not keep their act together when it came to dosage. We would get it straight & they would go right back to fucking it up. They never updated shit. Hell I'm surprised they don't dig her up my her grave to gave her more muscle relaxants or nicotine patch. And I fought the battle of THREE fronts; the hospital, the nursing home & the HomeHeathcare nurses. You'd have better luck training a squirrel to wipe it's own ass then get these caregivers to not screw up.

Well Mom died three weeks ago I doubt they have yet to figure it out, nor would they care to. But the money train has stopped, nobody is getting another dime. Fuck our heath care system.

Bucky

 

[712edf]

Great advice. Yes good written notes, documentation & keeping cool head.

Bucky

 

[712edf]

When my Dad had a feeding tube I would shoot him a dose of water from time to time, just to prevent, or at least lessen, constipation & dehydration.

Bucky

 

[712edf]

With medical people you have to retrain them on every shift, every day. They are just going through their textbook motions, no different than the pimple face kid making all those identical burgers at McDonald's.

Bucky

 

[712edf]

I wish you (and others) were wealthy enough to afford a personal team of caregivers & could keep her at home. You have a better chance of getting a gourmet Italian meal at McDonald's than getting the exact care she needs in a NH or hospital. Medical professionals care about as much for a patient's needs/preferences as a traffic light does about your commute. They just do what the formula told them to do.

Bucky